I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
