Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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