WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
