i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
