remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
