Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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