im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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