Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
