Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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