Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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