I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize