whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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