Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
