So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
