i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
