Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
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