If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
