3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
