I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
