The beer is more important than you right now.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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