I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
