Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
