I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
