Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
