One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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