She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
