I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
