I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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