You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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