I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
