Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
ttyl tear gas
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
