I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I have aggressive nipples.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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