I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
