I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
