Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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