pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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