There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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