Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Randomize
