I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
