that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
