I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She even gives head with a lisp.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
