Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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