This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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