I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
