Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
