spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
