we're chasing vodka with high fives
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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