I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
