Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
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