Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize