Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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