Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
