party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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