don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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