At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
