her facebook's as public as her vagina
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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