Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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