I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
